How to make friends using your living room
I think it was in one of Brené Brown’s podcast episodes that she mentioned rearranging the furniture in her living room and the impact it had on her family one night. She, her husband, and her children sat down to pick out a movie, got to talking, and completely forgot to actually press play on the flick. After hours of catching up on each others’ lives, they noticed it was far too late to start watching anything, and instead retired to bed. Thinking back on it, Brené mentioned how having that time to connect deeply with her family was far more rewarding and meaningful to her than any movie-watching experience would have been, and how thankful she was to have had that entirely unplanned, beautiful family moment.
Furniture and its layout in a room has a significant influence on how we interact not only with the space itself, but with each other as well. If you’d like to set up your living room for a friendly and meaningful heart-to-heart like Brené’s, take note of these tips below!
1.Make sure you have at least two pieces of interacting furniture in your space.
First off, for a space to encourage conversation, you need seating that has another seat to talk to! Not that a conversation isn’t possible with a single sofa, but we interpret this setup as ideal for activities such as watching tv, reading, or napping, so that’s what’s more likely to happen there. With a small space, opt for two chairs in lieu of a single sofa if connection is your main priority.
An L shaped sectional where people would (and do) sit on either end of the L (not a chaise sofa, for example) is moving in the right direction, but the space would still be enhanced with a chair added opposite the middle seat of the sectional.
By ‘interacting’ pieces of furniture, I mean pieces that face each other, either directly opposite or at an angle (even perpendicular). If two chairs are lined up side by side, they’re not interacting, but if we set them at an angle towards each other, they are.
2.Careful of the vibes when directly opposing furniture. Dialogue is easier when we see others at an angle.
Some, more formal, living rooms have their furniture placed directly opposite each other. While, yes, the opposing pieces are interacting, the exchange inspired by this setup might be more contentious than if they were placed at a friendlier angle. This gives off a more formal, hierarchical vibe, where one side ‘sizes-up’ the other. Even think of the words ‘opposite’ and ‘opposed’. When we’re physically positioned opposed to one another, we’re more likely to counter our conversation partner in mental or emotional ways as well. This may be ideal for negotiation or debate, but if you’re looking to spark friendship, this placement is less helpful.
If you have many pieces of furniture all at right angles (such as in the floorplan here), the hierarchical vibe is softened with the perpendicular relationships in tow (the green chairs partially offset the tension between the yellow sofa and white chairs). In reality, it’s likely that you and your guests would first fill the sofa and chairs perpendicular to the sofa before resorting to the chairs directly opposite the focal furniture piece (the largest).
3.Keep the distance conversational!
Something that often gets overlooked or neglected is proper spacing between your furniture. You want to have enough space to keep your personal bubble intact, but close enough that each seat’s occupant has the chance to participate in the discussion and make a connection with everyone else.
What does that mean? When there’s too much distance between one seat and the rest of the group, the person with that spot can feel cut-off from the rest, disconnected, or like they have to make an extra effort to catch up with everyone else. Similar to being positioned opposite another, being placed far away has an almost literal translation to the interpersonal dynamics occurring in that room. If multiple people are too far away from each other, there may be trouble connecting in that room at all, with everyone keeping to themselves and finding no real middle ground.
So what’s the proper distance? From the nearest seat on one piece of furniture to the nearest of another, no more than about 45” (some say 48”) is best. This can allow enough distance for personal space or even a comfortable walkway as needed, while still being close enough to feel connected. Depending on the space available and the setup you choose, your furniture may be closer than 48”, especially if you place a chair perpendicular to your sofa. Note that every seat does not have to be within 48” of every other in the room - that would be quite intimate! Just worry about the one closest seat and you’re golden.
Additionally, if you have a very large space, try to keep your living room seating contained within 9ft of each other to promote comfortable interaction. If your space is larger than that, split your room into sections and add a reading nook, second conversational area, a game table, or perhaps a few library shelves. Too big of an area feels more like a convention. You know when you get a bunch of people together, it’s nearly impossible to all stay in the same conversation? The same goes with your living room furniture.
Note: again using this floorplan, notice how the large space is divided into 2 sections, rather than placing furniture all along the walls of the room. There’s a main conversational area with quite a few seating options, and a smaller area that may be more of an entryway or reading nook.
4.Consider the above with how the space works in reality
Finally, as you bring in these tips to your own living room, consider and pay attention to how your space is used in daily life. It’s common that people will fill the sofa first, a favorite chair second, and so forth. What happens if the seats most commonly used are oppositional or too far apart? Consider adjusting your layout to accommodate a more friendly exchange. Sometimes our spaces don’t allow for everything to be perfect, and that’s okay, these rules can be bended. But if you’re able to just nudge closer to ideal, the positive progress will show up in your relationships, too!
Take a look at the below examples:
Here we have three interacting pieces of furniture (sofa and two red chairs). Since the space is larger than 9 feet, the main furniture pieces are positioned in the middle of the room, with multiple other areas sectioned. None of the seating in the side areas interact with each other (aside from the brown and white chair in the corner), so these spaces communicate more of an availability (storage) of extra seating that could be pulled into the main area as necessary.
One thing that could be concerning is the distance between the sofa and the chairs. Say you were a party of three, with two taking up the sofa and one in a chair. Because the chair seems to be much farther than 45” away, that person may feel left out of the conversation or slightly disconnected. Perhaps the owner of the house, who is likely to be more confident and comfortable than their guests, should take that place. Or ideally, avoid the disconnected influence altogether and push these pieces closer.
This is a lovely example of a living room design using perpendicular relationships. The ottomans offer additional seating when necessary, but are not likely to be used as the least comfortable option available, thus ensuring a more collaborative tone without a true opposition to the focal point in the room. Speaking of the sofa, the curve of the seating within the sofa further encourages conversation.
The worst seat here is of course the white chair in the corner. It’s position even communicates that it is not really for sitting, but rather decoration. In this position, the occupant may even feel rejected, because while it is within 48” of the nearest seat, it is clearly outside the circle of conversation. In short, “you can’t sit with us!” vibes.
And there you have it! A room fit for friends and family. Let me know if this inspires you to make any changes to your layout on instagram @aligned_ambience!
