Affirmations and Mirrorwork
Sources say we are conscious of over 6,000 thoughts per day. That’s more than six thousand inspirations, comments, suggestions, deductions, musings, inferences - every single day! It all sounds incredibly creative until you read the part that says 90-95% of those thoughts are repetitive. Up to 95%! Between 5,400 and 5,700 thoughts. What we think today are the same thoughts we had yesterday, and the day before, and the day before that. I guess most of the time, we’re running on a loop. A real life “Groundhog Day” situation is happening inside each and every one of our minds. It’s not a personal flaw by any means, it’s biology. It’s simply the way we’re wired.
Of course this makes sense if you consider the repetitive nature of most days - humans gotta sleep, shower, eat, take care of business, answer emails, etc. and begin it all again the next day. We find safety in routine and consistency. Hey, we’ve gotten along fine thus far, and we’re pretty good at it. Why ruffle feathers and ruin a good thing?
Well, maybe because it doesn’t actually feel like a good thing after all. Maybe because when we play back the repeating thoughts in our head, we feel lonely, ashamed, incapable, unloved. We think things like, “I can’t seem to do what is expected of me. There is no way I can pull this off. Just get through this and I’ll take care of myself later.” Maybe those thoughts have become a self-fulfilling prophecy. Maybe they are pressuring us to stay small, even when we’re bored out of our minds. Maybe we’re so frustrated with the same old, same old that we finally hit stop on the playlist. And maybe we feel motivated enough to curate some new tracks to play - thoughts that offer a new ground to stand on.
What if you repeated ideas like, “I am capable of handling whatever comes my way. There is something good for me in every experience. I am so proud of my journey.”? How would that make you feel? What would you do with that information? What if your brain repeatedly fed you thoughts of enduring safety and security, of guidance and support, encouragement and possibilities?
We are ultimately able to choose which thoughts we want to repeat, even if we can’t change the fact that our brains stick to the top hits. I can’t say it’s as quick as navigating Spotify, but it is that simple.
Affirmations are the positive declarations you make to yourself - spoken out loud, read from a post-it, seen on a vision board, or heard from a recording - that impresses a new belief into your system (here’s a list of great examples). With enough time and conviction, each affirmation you repeat is eventually adopted by your brain into the playlist, and so goes the daily inner recital, this time in your favor.
Did you know?
Using affirmations reinforces a stronger sense-of-self. If you’re worried, speaking kindly and encouragingly to yourself won’t make you “soft” at all, unable to be realistic or deal with the sometimes very harsh realities of life. Rather quite the opposite! Those who practiced affirmations were more resilient in the face of challenges, did not linger over negative experiences, received critique more constructively, solved problems more effectively under stress, had reduced depression symptoms, and were more likely to make healthy changes in their life.
“When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.”
Step it up with Mirror Work!
I’ll be honest, the first few times you declare sweet nothings to your own reflection will probably get real awkward, real quick. For me, it was a swirl of uncomfortable emotions, from embarrassment to disbelief to anger, even - anger that I allowed such a poor relationship with myself to continue this long. Exposed by my own penetrating eyes, I lost my voice before finishing my first affirmation. It was kind of scary.
Mirror work is where we confront and nurture our relationship with ourselves. Maybe our entire world is a reflection of our inner state, but when you narrow down your physical world to a literal mirror, there’s no where else to hide. It’s me and you, baby. And I’m here. Maybe for the first time, or maybe the millionth. But no matter what, it’s us, together. Hi, how are you? Tell me about your day.
If you’re like me and would appreciate some training wheels to mirror work, I highly recommend starting with other appearance-based healing modalities, found in my entry here (coming soon).
It actually didn’t take long though, just some consistency, a few minutes roughly every day, and within a week or two I softened to myself. I really enjoyed fawning in the mirror. I declared that I loved and accepted myself more and more every day; that I was safe, happy, healthy, and loved; and that I had made great progress in my life already, and I was proud. It felt so good to have someone speak those words to me, and best of all, it was me saying it. I guess I’d been waiting a long time for those sentiments, and I felt relief. Laughing, I found myself inside a positive feedback loop of my own making - I was feeling second-hand effects of my own feelings for myself - I felt encouraged by my own confidence, appreciative by my own gratitude, and invested by my own empathy. It was strange but I couldn’t help smiling with my whole face as widely as I possibly could. It was like, “Well if you are, then so am I.” It felt like laughing at your own jokes or being caught in a genuine cycle of mutual thanks. “Thank you so much.” “Awww, so sweet, thank you!” “OMG, thank YOU.” Maybe it’s cringe, but it feels damn good.
I suspect this is how it works with all self-talk, positive or negative, even without the mirror. Thankfully, we have this tool at the ready whenever we want to lift the curtain on our own self-opinion.
Please be kind to you and ask for help if needed
No matter what you tell yourself, the reflection in the mirror is of extreme importance and value to the world! Every one of us is worthy of love, of support, and gentle compassion. Sometimes, we need a little help to figure out which affirmations are truly improving our self-concept, or how to approach ourselves in the mirror. Please reach out to a professional if you’re frustrated, that’s what they’re here for!
(I can’t resist including some clips of mirror-talk from the show 30 Rock:)
Tips:
Be selective when you choose or craft your affirmations. Make sure they evoke a positive emotional response and that they center on your values.
Take baby steps when flipping the script. If you’ve been repeating the thought “I’m terrible with money,” for example, and you try to switch it with the affirmation, “I am a money guru and everything I touch turns to gold”, you may have a rough time adopting that belief. Start small with a stretch that still feels safe like “I am grateful for the money I have now” and work your way up.
Keep it positive - take out any words you don’t want more of! Our brains actually aren’t that great at “don’t,” “not,” or “stop.” If I said stop thinking about fluffy bunnies, I’m fairly certain you just thought about fluffy bunnies. We need to give our brains something to think about instead of fluffy bunnies. Same goes for getting ourselves out of debt or people pleasing. Rephrase the affirmation with words like financial freedom and honoring your needs first.
Take your time, a little goes a long way. It doesn’t serve you to repeat 50 affirmations each 10 times a day if you’re not receiving the emotional information of each message. As you speak the words, also be sure to fully listen.
Toxic positivity and perfectionism is not included in this modality unless you make it so. Affirmations like, “I am safe even though I am having a hard day” is a lovely affirmation. So is, “I give myself permission to express my anger in healthy ways.” It gets to be your way!
I use the ThinkUp app and would highly recommend! On the app, you can record your own voice for each affirmation and play them on repeat as you fall asleep. Studies show that we’re more impressionable in the lower brainwave states that are present as we fall asleep, making it a great time to reprogram your mind!
Get naked or strike a power pose to reach master level on your mirror work.
Consider positive-oriented speech not just in self-affirmations, but generally in how you speak to yourself and others. You may be surprised with how far a gentle touch can take you! Try replacing the phrases like “you should” with “it may serve you to” or replace “struggling with time management” with “learning how to manage my time.”
