A Personal Note on My Home as a Love Letter
In adulthood, we get the chance to give ourselves what we didn’t have growing up. Sometimes this is intentional, and other times, we don’t even realize how we labor ourselves to make up for our childhood. While I’ve been reflecting on why I’m so invested in environmental psychology as well as why I styled current apartment the way I did, I now realize how deeply this all connects with my past.
My home growing up was very blessed, but calm, grounding, and supportive aren’t exactly the words I would use to describe it. There were a lot of unspoken limits and expectations in my family over what we could want, how we could behave, and what we could think. ‘Indulging’ in emotions, self care, and aesthetics was not only a waste of time, but also pointed to weakness of character. Looking back on it now, my home life could feel pressured, brittle, and isolating.
It just occurred to me that calm, grounding, and supportive, though, are exactly the words I would use to describe my current home. Looking around my apartment at the interior I designed and the choices I made, I’m shocked to notice the attention to detail in creating a safe space to ground my feelings and get connected. At the time I was furnishing my apartment, I was simply searching for items that resonated with me, and that would vibe with the pieces I had already bought. Without conscious intent, I was trying to satisfy this missing piece of my early home life.
Here’s what I found:
1. I don’t think it gets by anyone that my home has a nature-inspired vibe to it. From the artwork to the materials to the colors, my home is connected to the earth. Not only are the colors earthy, but they’re pretty muted as well. Muted colors give us a sense of calm and peace. There’s visual interest without being overstimulating. (Grounded, Calm)
2. I’ve got alllll the textures. Fluffy, soft, smooth, velvety; all of these and more can be found within arms-reach of the couch or bed. Who doesn’t feel supported in a cozy blanket? Plus, psychologists say that when we pay attention to our 5 physical senses, we lower anxiety and keep our minds in the present. With so many interesting textures to touch, I’m reminded of where I am. (Grounded, Supported)
3. This one was especially astonishing: there are mountains at my back everywhere I go! In feng shui, positioning yourself with your back to mountain images or motifs provide you with strength, support, and protection. Mountains are behind my living room sofa, kitchen chair (bottom left of the gallery), above my headboard (in an abstract way), and I’m not even kidding, there are mountains at my back when I’m on the toilet! Can you BELIEVE this was not consciously intentional?! (Supported, Grounded)
4. Can never forget about the green! Seeing plants throughout the day keeps us feeling calm and relaxed. From a biophilic perspective, if an environment can sustain healthy plants, it’s more likely to be able to sustain us. (Calm, Supported)
Viewing my apartment with fresh eyes and a dropped jaw, it came to me that my apartment has become a sort of love letter to myself. My subconscious attempt to surround myself in the sturdy, reliable, peaceful energy I felt was lacking before. I’m deciding now to view my apartment as evidence of how well I care for myself, and lean into receiving the very personal gift. <3 This whole time, I’ve been my own valentine without even realizing just how much!
